This will be a short rant, but I need to get it out nonetheless. I also need some girlfriend backup, which I know I will get here. This may be a Facebook status update if I end up logging on today, but things are a little busy so probably not...
So, yesterday I'm at the grocery store after work and having just swiped my credit card am waiting for the slip to print out. The cashier, a probably well-meaning woman around 45 years old, looks at my abdominal area and asks, "Is this your first?" EXCUSE ME? Hold the phone for a second!
First of all - how many of you know me well (i.e. know my eating & workout habits, and know that I've complained a lot in recent years that I'm having trouble finding clothes that are small enough for me because sizes are getting bigger - I've gone from a size 6 to a size 2 in some brands without changing weight or measurements)?
Second of all - how many of you have seen me recently, like within the past few weeks? I mean, my abs aren't perfect, but WTF? Granted due to the place I am in my cycle, I may be a bit more bloated than normal, but looking at me and concluding that I must be pregnant is about a ridiculous as the whole Michelle Obaba baby bump thing that won't seem to go away.
Ok, back to the situation at hand. It took me a moment to respond because I was in absolute shock, but I finally responded that I wasn't pregnant (the cashier apologized and sort of giggled) and left the store in a daze. Seriously, though - what the hell are people thinking?!?!
My first inclination was to think that I must be getting fat - I talked myself out of that as quickly as I do when I start feeling that way after looking at too many pictures of airbrushed supermodels.
Then I just got mad - I realize the cultural norm is that most women of childbearing age have or want children, but don't assume that because I do not have a small child in tow that I must be in the early stages of pregnancy. Maybe I should go ahead and buy some really snarky childfree t-shirts and just wear them all the time. Then people will probably be able to come to the conclusion that I'm not with child, nor will I be getting myself knocked up.
Furthermore, since when is it anything other than exceedingly rude to ask a woman suspected to be pregnant when she's expecting? Yes 99% of the time a lady who looks like she's about to pop is, in fact, pregnant - what about the other 1%?
Ok, enough for now. I still want to go back and punch that woman, though.
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11 comments:
That was rude!!
I had it happen to me once, I was with my roommate who was buying a baby shower gift, so admittedly I was in the baby section. I was also wearing a hoodie and had my hands in the pockets so they have been pushed out a little. A man asked me when I was due. I told him I wasn't pregnant and he apologized and asked me if I wanted to hit him. He told me he thought I was rubbing my tummy as pregnant women tend to do. Still I felt the whole am I getting fat thing then too....
People should mind their own business..
Viki-you are gorgeous and in no way look pregnant to me!
That is so rude!
Just in case that should happen, I always have a response ready similar to:
I'm not pregnant; actually I'm infertile. Thank you for reminding me that I can't have children.
(I know that doesn't really apply to you, but then, strangers don't know that either)
I know it's not nice to try to make someone else feel bad, but asking a skinny woman when she's due is also rude and makes that woman feel bad.
I'm surprise the company she works for does not have a policy about do not ask a woman, even if she looks 9 months pregnant, if she's pregnant. I must've been working for a bank (only time I really had a job like that) and it was in the company handbook that we weren't allowed to make pregnancy comments to people.
Other options for excuses (really, anything that turns around and *should* make them uncomfortable):
actually, I have a huge tumor on my stomach that I'll have surgery to remove next week.
or
No, I'm getting over bulemia. That pouch you see is from malnutrition.
or:
No, but thanks for letting me know I've put on extra weight, though.
or simply:
I'm not pregnant. Don't you feel rude (or like an idiot) now?
For this instance, however, you could send a letter or call the customer service and let them know what happened. Perhaps they should retrain their employees on appropriate "idle chat" with the customers.
Out of curiousity, before she said this, were you buying like just pickles and ice cream or something (sorry, that was stereotypical)? Prenatal vitamins? Anything that would have made her think that without looking at you?
oh, HELL no!!!
I want to punch that woman for you! The only time it is acceptable to ask a woman about her pregnancy is NEVER - even if she is pregnant - she may not want to share such personal information.
I haven't seen you lately but I am sure you look fabulous and definitely not pregnant.
I am never good at thinking of on the spot responses to such rudeness, but I think it would have been funny to say - yup it's my first, now can I have a pack of Marlboros so I can poison it (or a fifth of vodka or whatever).
You should get the T shirts - or a pin or something. People are so dumb.
Thanks guys - in response to Martha, no, I was not purchasing anyting abnormal. In fact, my basket had some smoked salmon in it - aren't pregnant ladies not supposed to eat that kind of thing?
I also had a bunch of microwable Indian stuff, a bag of sugar, cous cous, whole wheat spaghetti noodles, whole peppercorns, fresh fruits & veggies (broccoli, carrots, tomatoes, oranges), frozen broccoli, bread, juice (red orange, black currant & mixed berry), whipped cream cheese, turkey, swiss and "parmesan" cheese (parmesan is in quotes because it's domestic rather than the real stuff). I don't see how any of that speaks of weird cravings.
I'd considered calling the store and complaining, but I really don't think it'll do much good. Maybe I'll reconsider...
In most situations if anyone asks about children I just say I'm not in the market, but after some rude responses to that I've thought about just telling people I can't have children just so they'll shut up. I think this woman yesterday just totally caught me off guard.
Oh, I understand. I have my response in my back pocket, but if I were to be asked that I'd probably choke a "no way" out and not be able to make them realize how rude it was to ask....
I noticed that I said they shouldn't ask a skinny woman - actually, they shouldn't ask ANY woman, fat or skinny or average. If the woman makes a comment such as : oh, so excited for this baby to arrive, that's one thing. but unsolicited? What would a grocery check out woman care if some stranger who came through her line once (or even a hundred times) is pregnant?? It just doesn't make sense to me!!
fortunately for my ego i've never been mistakenly asked that. Certainly that's not to say someone hasn't thought to ask and then thought better. unlike your cashier.
I'm irratated that she giggled like this kind of mistake was funny. It's not.
and for the record, i'd chalk you up to having one of the best figures and nutrician regimens of anyone i know.
OH, and microwavable indian food sounds weird. ;)
I laughed at Martha's come backs! That's great!!!
Wow, I can't believe the balls of people these days. People just assume that be because of the baby craze going on that everyone is prego. I too can't believe she giggled! Blah!
How was the Micro Indian Food? Sounds interesting.
The giggle was definitely the rudest part to me. She should have profusely apologized.
You have always been crazy thin. Were you wearing ridiculously loose clothing or something?
And just as a side note: coming from someone who had a really hard time having a baby, I never condone lying about that kind of thing. Even if someone mistakenly thinks your pregnant. And if people can't mind their own business about you not wanting children then they deserve a harsh response from you about them being rude jerks.
Just so you know, days later, I'm still irked about this! I feel awful for your! I just cannot imagine someone doing this!
I have heard about it happening a lot, though, hence why I determined my own response should I ever need to use it. People need to be reminded that certain things are still taboo!!
...still on my mind today! This topic struck a nerve with me. Some things are taboo to mention in our society!! You're absolutely right about so what if you don't want children, and making it seem like they're looking down on YOUR decision that does not have any effect on them. Lots of couples don't have children by choice (which, by the way is VERY common out here. many people feel it's wasting natural resources to have kids. Talk about watching your carbon footprint!) Perhaps you should move to Oregon. :)
Oooh, I thought of another response by the way:
"I'm not pregnant. That's just the huge portion of xx I had for lunch"
OK, I haven't looked at your blog in a really long time and so while I know this is now a couple of weeks ago, I couldn't help but comment. I totally agree with everyone, you don't ask a women if she is pregnant! I actually used to get it all the time when I was pregnant and frankly that annoyed me just as much! I was laughing when I read one of your friends comments because when people would ask me, I would say "either that or it's a big tumor" I mean seriously, please remind me that I'm as big as a house. Besides, you've always been amazingly gorgous for as long as I've known you!
-Karen
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