Some neat experiences...

What did I say last week about feeling really reflective? Here’s a two-part story (long) about something that really caused me to look a little deeper internally…

Saturday morning I had a rehearsal for our upcoming CCC concert, and our director was stopping after each piece to ask us if we had any thoughts about personal connections to pieces – he’s very big on us having personal connections to each piece, as he believes that helps us to more deeply connect with the audience. I agree that this is something that is especially important in vocal music, especially a group of this size doing the kind of music we’re doing.

We got to a piece called “His Voice” (to hear a 30 second clip go to http://www.a-cappella.com/product/4803/38 and scroll down a little), which is one that has really struck me from the beginning. After rehearsing it a little and then doing it start to finish, I got it – the piece from start to finish, is like a near-death experience. The beginning, which starts with the altos very low in their range, is like walking in a very dark tunnel. As it progresses, you’re still walking in that tunnel, but you start to see a faint light. You’re walking toward the light and you begin to get a glimpse of heaven (the beginning of this middle section of the piece comes at the end of the sound clip where the sopranos come in).

The middle of the piece is where you’re at the end of the tunnel, ready to step into heaven. It’s “brighter” sounding, as the sopranos are singing pretty high in their register, resulting in the minor key not sounding as bleak, and there is very powerful imagery of fountains of holiness, angels, and whatever else you imagine you’ll see in heaven. This is the peak of the piece.

As the piece continues, and as it fades to the end, the sound again becomes darker as the altos again have the melody much lower in their range – you experience walking backwards through that tunnel as if something has told you that it’s not your time yet, that you have to go back into darkness, but knowing that something better is promised to you so you shouldn’t worry. It ends and it’s still mournful, but somehow more serene.

On Saturday morning when I shared my view on the piece, which I did not do quite as eloquently, everyone sort of said, “Yeah…that’s it, that’s amazing, that’s perfect.” It wasn’t something I’d thought about until just then, though, and the reason it really hit me was because of an experience my Rill Oma told me about shortly after my father passed away – just that a few years prior she’d been in the hospital for an operation, and that at one point she’d been walking through a dark tunnel toward the light when she heard, “Katharina, no, it’s not time. Go back, go back.”

I realized it’s been a long time since I’ve visited Rill Oma, mostly because dementia is really taking over her mind – after not visiting her for a while it’s always a possibility that she won’t remember quite who I am (she’ll know my face, but not my name at best). I decided to visit on my way home from rehearsal, though, and I’m very glad I did.

When I got to her house the look on her face told me she recognized me, but she wasn’t sure who I was or why she knew me, but I think by a few minutes later she realized it was me. There were a few times she sort of looked like she wanted to cry, like she wanted to say something but she didn’t know or couldn’t figure out how, despite knowing that at one point in time she wouldn’t have had any trouble. She also got agitated a couple of times, saying that she wanted to go to her sister’s house (her sister’s been dead well over 10 years).

But, in the half hour I was there, there was a wonderful 4 minutes or so during which she was very lucid and remembered me, all of my siblings, and my other set of grandparents (I’d told her there was a German club dance that night and she asked about my Kreiling Ota, who still participates in running the place even though he’s not really in charge any more). It made me happy to have been there during that small window, and I hope that it was as comforting to her as it was to me.

Well, I think that’s about enough reflection for one day. Hope all of you are getting off to a good start this week – we’re almost at Wednesday!